I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize