I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize