Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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