You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
