I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
