I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
