He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
