she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
