I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
