I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
