I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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