So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
