I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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