Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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