Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize