I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
