You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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