This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
