You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
