Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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