a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
