I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
