Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
