He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
