lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize