Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
