Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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