im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I looked at my own cervix.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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