...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he thought i was a dude.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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