her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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