I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
