I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
