i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You ruined the universe
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
