took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
