hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
