I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
