So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
