I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
