Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
