I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
