An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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