Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
