I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
