There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
