i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize