would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
