So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
