for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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