I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
