Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
