That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
