Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
