we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
