No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
