turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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