YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
