Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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