i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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