I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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