I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
