You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
wow bdsm is so cute
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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