Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
