he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Brb crying the tears of my youth
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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