why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
