Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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