I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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