If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
